How long have I
Been in this storm
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

I know you didn't
Bring me out here to drown
But why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything will be alright
If I'd see you
The storminess will turn to light

--

Hello.
For many days, these thoughts have been lingering in my head, the thoughts of my feelings and the feelings of my thoughts; underneath the shell that I have tried to hide under, I begin to smell my smoldering stench of fear. I was on a bus ride back from Vivo to home, mind roaming as the trees whizzed past me, I thought of many things, mostly about the past and mostly faces. Somehow, it dawned upon me that I miss You. It really sounds silly cause I know He is all around all the time, always within my grasp, always near me. But I don't understand this weird feeling of apprehension that I have within me, lingering and clawing gently from my insides... What's going to happen next? Is this going the right path? Can I ever meet Your expectations? If so, how?

I am tired. And I am scared. Of what? Once again, I have no idea. But then again, maybe I do know, but it is difficult to convince myself that that is the answer I am searching for; sheer physical strength or mental motivation or spiritual protection. What is the thing that will bring me through?

It's abstract, these feelings, the home of my heart now. I feel like an old pebble has been dropped unto a pile of sand. First, the grains splatter and the pile lets out a soft 'poof' sound. Everything goes quiet for a short while. Then you hear soft, sizzling sounds of pieces slipping down the pile like dusty rivers down a mountain. Slowly the pebble sinks fearfully deeper, creating first, a crater; sand then flows in quietly in effort to fill the void left by the stone. The pebble continues to sink deeper, now creating a cavernous burrow; sand is now pouring in a quicked pace, faster and faster until the pebble eats its way to the bottom. For a brief moment, a hole was pathed in full glory of the world; but the sand never fails to fill the empty space efficiently, leaving the pebble completely hidden within the heart of the pile. The pebble is now tucked away under a camouflage and it heaviness, eventually, forgotten.